What a long week it's been.......
On Thursday I felt this shift in my body as my back started to ache, my movements changed and my baby moved down yet again. My body is preparing for birth with contractions steady in their rythmn but don't speed up, my muscles are sore and tired. I am now in this 'in between' of my pregnancy on the edge of labouring but not quite. I try to rest, attempt to uphold our weekly rhythms at school and home but my energy and patience is gone. I'm frustrated, reactive and struggling to regain some footing. Oh those pregnancy hormones.
I cry often as my children desire stability and I don't seem to have answers of when their sister will be birthed and how it will all unfold. The lack of control is like a refiners fire where I'm being moulded against my will. Just liked children desire a weekly rhythm I want one for birthing this little one.
I awoke yesterday morning with the realisation that I can choose to stay in this anxiety and frustration or surrender all of my expectations once again and renew my trust that it will be as it needs to be in the end. I need to surrender to this journey of birthing our third with the knowledge that she will come when ready and perhaps my expectation of labouring will reveal itself in time to be something very different.
The first of several acupuncture sessions began two nights ago to lessen the discomfort, the contractions and help me find some balance in these final days before her due date. I asked for help from a dear friend who worked those acupuncture needles till I was at rest.
I surrendered it all, accepted the need for help and admitted to myself that I need to trust that the birth will happen as it needs to.
I do not have control of my body, this pregnancy or how I will labour. I need to trust that ancestral feminine knowledge will lead the way. That God will give me the strength and wisdom needed. This child, my last, has been waiting for me as long as I have been waiting for her. I need to regain stillness in my spirit to hold her in this 'in between' time as soon she will be in my arms and a new time for us will begin. The sojourn to the redwood forest today helped regain some stillness and much needed calm. To stand in nature with my tribe at 38 weeks pregnant taking it all in.