Wednesday, January 20, 2016

I stopped writing for a while...

I missed the solace of giving voice and witness to our story here but I needed to step back for a time. In silence I found space to breathe over the past 8 months.
I felt stretched and wrung out with the responsibility, witness, and nurture of my tribe and my mother. I felt the weight of grief again of losing my father ten years before. Alongside the transformation that was taking place within and outside of myself,  I found myself stepping into the busyness and responsibility of family life and finding little space left for me. 
Early last year we began moving my mother out of my childhood home, going through a lifetime of memories and belongings and providing care as she moved to a retirement village. Half way through that arduous journey so full of meaning and the past, I discovered I was holding another baby within. 
These new transitions whilst much needed and wanted shook the daily rhythm of our lives for many months. Pages of my ancestral, familial life's story torn and worn with age, threads within the narrative story frayed, stretched and mended, and past demons cast aside while feeling the constant nausea of pregnancy that lingers and impinges on ones soulful reserves.
I wrestled with such mountains of responsibility and obstacles daily with the desire to press in, navigate and move forward to something better. There were moments where I just didn't have the words to tell people what was going on so I just pressed on.
I emerged aged, stronger, creatively inspired and standing in the clear, cleansing ocean waters in spiritual pilgrimage in bali alone at the end of it all. A mere ten weeks ago. 
Those days alone in Bali were treasured, necessary and healing in and of itself. 
It's been such a winding tale of transition for much of last year. With such immense richness to it, where gratitude and exhaustion coexist. 
Threads of acceptance, grace, truth and wisdom have flowed softly within the confines of my heart and spirit when I thought that there was no more room for growth or recovery. Only to be reborn to sit with our story once more. To capture its rich nectar and share it communally. To honour 
the beauty of what has gone before me, the path fresh ahead of me and the simplicity and vibrancy of our daily walk. There are seasons where silence is necessary but I've missed this space. I return with the new year, now 31 weeks pregnant to find sanctuary here.
To make space to find my voice again. To emerge, unfold the tightly held threads and embrace it all with freedom, a voice and without fear. So here once again, our story is told.......

I'll share Stills from the last few months,  the 52 project and Reflections on Intentional learning and living a simple life. Slowly as the words flow and I feel the call to tell our story. 

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