Thursday, November 7, 2013

Reflections of mothering a tribe, ten months in......

I can't tell you how many times over the past ten months that I've been exhausted, bored by the monotony of motherhood and over being loving when two little ones seem hell bent on breaking me {there are days where they succeed}. The monotony of cleaning the house, climbing Mount washmore and endlessly putting clothes away only to turn around and be greeted by more mess. I'd much rather be at brunch with a mate, sipping a hot coffee watching cool people walking by, talking about cool things and enjoying the day passing.
Ahhhh.... mothering the constant juggle of trying to meet everyones needs and your own {yep, you're important too}. And more often than not, someone is missing out. Over and over again l am caught holding Little fox {because he won't sleep in his gorgeous cot} while Miss Three wants someone to play with her. The mother's guilt that goes with that. That somehow l should or could be more. It's madness I know comparing yourself with others but how many of us compare ourselves to our friends, how wonderful they are or read blogs where their life appears picture perfect and there doesn't seem to be a pillow out of place or a face smudged with breakfast that hasn't been wiped off for much of the day. In the past l allowed depression to creep in and bitterness to fester and letting go of that habitual down slide and practising gratitude has been such a godsend. I still have down days, am driven to tears by a careless word from someone or resent having to clean up wee off the floor. But I'm still honest about the journey here because it's important to me to weave a story, embracing it all.

I'm the first to admit that whilst loving my kids and motherhood, it's a lonely journey at times. I wonder what friends l actually do have when I'm surrounded by peppa pig reruns, the house is filthy, it's mayhem and long for a friend to drink tea with and chat. I want to read a book without holding a bloody baby. I'd like to have time to choose something to wear rather than just picking something off the floor and I'd like to sleep with my husband at night without an unsettled baby between us. Co-sleeping blah, I'm over it! Two attempts at sleep school with Poppy didn't help much and this time round I've got a strong-willed baby wanting cuddles over Independence. I had a moment the other day when the sun was out and the kids were angels where l sat and thought about having another child and the mere thought of having more children than arms overwhelmed me, I'm so not going there right now. 

Ten months on..... it defiantly hasn't been all bad. Watching my tribe grow and the bond between little fox and Miss three develop has been incredibly beautiful to witness. Spring brought so many adventures and firsts. Miss Three ventured into the garden to plant her first carrot and beetroot crops independently and cook breakfasts with dad. Afternoon play dates, developing her own interests and unique personality, sessions in the kitchen {recipes found here, here and here}, dressing herself, learning to colour within the lines, write her first words on the mega sketch and exploring creativeness in flower mandalas, sandplay, collecting treasures like a bower bird and finding her voice more and more.
Little fox at ten months is growing so quickly, those long legs, chunky thighs, little fingers always in his mouth and the endless smiles and chatter. Rolling and being able to right himself, sitting and rocking to music, being able to bang and reach for toys with wild abandon. Playing with Miss three and enjoying hours of peek-a-boo and sharing toys. Watching the joy on Miss three's face as he rocks on his knees and begins those early days of trying to crawl. And I'll admit I'M NOT READY!

Mothering can be such a whirlwind and there are days where l lose my footing. For much of this year l have been practising simplicity. Life I find gets busy, there is too much noise and over consumption. I want to be able to take a step back from that when I can. I've been practising mindfulness. Holding and letting go of things in my life, focusing on the breath and giving thanks for blessings however small. Taking the time to mother my wee ones, teach Miss Three the seasons, responsibility in helping around the house, grow our own produce and doing Montessori at home. Facing truths whether positive or not and making decisions about what l take on emotionally and physically. The act and art of mothering is an all embracing experience filled with such mixed emotions that l do at times feel stretched paper thin between being overwhelmed with joy and love for my tribe and other times so incredibly alone and out of my depth. I'm sure I am not alone. To all mothers, I acknowledge the self sacrificing you do everyday, rain, hail or shine and the monotony of mothering, I salute you. I embrace you, in your pjs, those with your hair not done, those struggling with exhaustion and all. May your children allow you a full night's sleep, the mess be manageable and your experience of today not being time poor but that you get to drink a cup of tea while it's hot. You get a moment to yourself and little ones that let you pee all by yourself. Big loves to you all.

How are you finding mothering?
x Mummafox

Reflections series archives|

Seasonal Reflections on motherhood here

Reflections on motherhood and limits here

Around here, reflecting on motherhood here

Reflections on motherhood and looking after me here 

Reflections on motherhood and blog birthdays here

Reflecting on montessori at home and mothering here

Reflecting on photography and the making of me here

The fragmentation of motherhood here

Reflections on a growing family {the first month with a growing tribe} here

Mothering and being pregnant here

The media jungle and the theme of motherhood here

Being a crafter and mother this week here

My first Ramble on mothering and being 30 something here

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