The juxtaposition of family life, those moments of hugging and laughing, where everything is wonderful and the next you're putting out emotional mind fields and trying to prevent full meltdown. Motherhood wasn't going to be an easy journey but l guess I thought there would be more balance. I fear that these challenging days will become the norm, that our rhythm will be negotiated around conflict. I want something better for my family.
I've looked in the mirror this week and noticed the bags under my eyes from sheer, utter bloody exhaustion and I'm praying a lot for hope right now. That there will be renewal in the days ahead and that I will find the wisdom to navigate these rough, high seas. Till then I have returned to the breath. Everyday rituals of looking to nature, turning to God, drinking tea to warm my spirit, stretching and moving through yoga, grounding myself in the garden. Acknowledging the blessings when they happen and hoping that at the end of the day my kids know l love them and that it will be ok in the end.