Sunday, April 14, 2013

Reflections of motherhood + blog birthdays

Poppyfox has turned One. 
It's our birthday.
Over 180 blog posts written about life, Poppyfox and my tribe. A year ago to the day l felt incredibly disconnected to my creativity. The threads of my life didn't seem as colourful and vibrant as they should have been. I was a tired mother of one, turning 35 and in need of community. Joining blog school and beginning to follow other blogs helped create an ongoing sense of community.

Starting the blog was a way of tapping in, getting back to the creative, written word and writing once again. Over the course of the year I've pondered my life and daily practise, taken stock and read many books and blogs in that time, it's helped me relearn and return to what is important. While l might live in the outer suburbs of Melbourne and dream of living on the land and having space I believe every dream starts with living a simple, authentic life and that is what l have tried to do in the pages of this blog.

Learning to write daily, dream and create rituals in my everyday life as a spiritual practise. To focus on the calming breath, being grounded in the simple practise of breathing, in prayer or having my hands in the earth. To look at my surroundings with gratitude and joy. Growing a baby and birthing Tully had such strong symbolism of what l went through with creating the blog that it feels like l have been pregnant with both over the past year.

Writing this blog has reminded me to find joy, connection and a shared narrative with my husband. I've enjoyed witnessing him become a father again, the love and patience he has is astounding. We've celebrated ten years together and recognise the importance in sharing the ebb and flow of family life. And all that goes with it= being time poor and the challenging times that go with toilet training and having a toddler and a newborn in the house. Watching Miss Three thrive in the creative environment. Starting themed play and activities + witnessing her growth and development.The inspiration she has to sit on the floor and become the storyteller, weaving stories with her figurines and drawings as l sew, work, nest or feed Tully. Realising that not everyone finds happiness at home being a mother but that l do and that it is a gift.

Going from a family of three to four + what a joy it is to see how Tully and Miss Three makes us smile, feel blessed and surprised each new day. The excitement in seeing Miss Three write her name and spell everything she sees. The delight Tully has in his sister's antics, her kisses and her laughter.

Being a mother once again has taught me to love more freely and passionately. It's also taught me much about self belief. Over the past few months others have been concerned about Tully's weight gain. I've shared some of it previously in the blog herehere and here. Some suggested l put him on formula. I began to doubt myself, whether l had enough milk to breastfeed and listen to others telling me what should be done, feeling great conflict + imbalance. It was exhausting advocating for myself and Tully but l began to realise that l needed to trust that feeding, health and my attachment with Tully would balance out and we would find our rhythm given time. Once l accepted and began to trust, I took comfort from others, l cuddled Tully and talked to him, I feed him often and began to find our rhythm slowly. I've learnt in motherhood that with experience and age comes greater joy and wisdom if you remain open to it. As a result, my life practise, my writing, mothering and relationships have become more authentic and transparent. The freedom in learning to let go, be joyful and present in the now and living a simpler life at a slower pace. I'm still a Pilgrim but l am learning as I go and my direction is more purposeful.

The perfect example- this week
I found myself without Internet access, unable to work on my photos for my ad listings for Etsy and stuck in moving forward. I had a half written DIY bunting guest post lost in the abyss of a dead smart phone that I simply couldn't finish + a new IPhone l couldn't use. It was a lesson in letting go, in surrender and acceptance.
Then came the immersion into caring for two little ones. Consoling and comforting them through fevers and their colds since Monday night. Miss three has been waking teary and sad, sleeping poorly and desiring the couch and quilt before venturing out to play. Tully has needed more feeding, comforting + holding for sleeps but remained cheerful despite experiencing his first cold. All else has been put aside.

We spent some time at Nans where Miss Three had freedom to play and rest + l could begin to cut fabric for a client's quilt. Looking out the window at the trees and the landscape changing and as the weather cools, I'm mindful that Autumn is usually a time where illness is often experienced in our family. Whether it be snotty noses, colds, respiratory infections or croup or bouts of tonsillitis I have learnt to surrender and accept that it will all run it's course. These days it's easier to accept that things need to slow down at home rather than push through it and attempt to ignore that it's happening.

By Thursday night I became unwell with fever and a sore throat. It was inevitable. My body has made me stop, rest on the couch and be still this weekend. The plans to sew, cook and visit friends put aside. It will be a slow weekend but I'll make myself a cuppa, some breakfast and congratulate myself on turning one as it's a really big milestone for this blog, my tribe and I.

x Mummafox
My space shared with my little one

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