It’s a strange and unusual place to find yourself. A stay at home mum after a lifetime in the workforce. I was such a workaholic. Over committed and a little encumbered by the Christian philosophy to help and support others. Being a social worker/counsellor in a full time job seems like a lifetime ago but really it wasn't that long ago. I'm now a mother, at home and trying to find my way back to my creativity and authentic self. It's a process and a story largely unwritten. This blog will hopefully give voice to that story and weave those things l love into something new and profound. Here, I write about what l make, do and my life. It’s where l get to share the everyday, my thoughts and the things that l create with those that want to share in the journey.
If someone asked me to describe myself I’d use all these words- crafter, stay at home mum of Miss Poppy, thinker, thrift shop adventurer, gardener, cook and seeker of all things artsy, vintage and inspirational with a generous helping of ethical living. But you know there is so much more to me. Some known and others yet to be discovered. I'm in love with my husband Adam, aka Ads and my little two-year-old creative tornado, sharing my life with my dearest friends, desiring a passion-filled life, taking care of the environment and exploring the world and everything in it.
I’ve always lived the creative life but since l have become a mother l have been fascinated with the art, blog and craft world. I use to write and loved opening myself up to the narrative landscape of poetry, it’s largely where l found out who l was. It helped me give voice to the artist within and I’ve missed it. It's a dry and baron landscape when you don't have the time to write and I want that oasis of the written word in my life. Once again I find myself on the road of self-discovery and enjoying the act of imagining, creating and making things. Who knows where it will lead and l trust in the process, whole heartedly.
I want to begin to write again without being encumbered by the constructs of societal expectations. Or my own fears, childhood scripts and work, by being still and taking notice of the simple life instead of rushing through it. It's taken me a while to get to the place where l can see the simple things as precious and not money, a career and being over committed. I've spent much of this week reflecting on what it means to be a mother and I've had to look deep to get to a point where l realise even with my insecurities that I'm a great mother and person and despite the mountains, rough terrain and obstacles I've had to overcome, you know I’m doing ok.
I discovered my snow pea and broad bean seeds coming up in their twine teepees this morning while Poppy and I picked dandelions and flowers in the sunshine and stood amongst tiny beetroot, lettuce and leeks seedlings. We watched them shoot for the sky in the heat of the day. I took pleasure in it. It made me want to make warm gingerbread, write a book, sew and paint with poppy. I managed to paint pictures with Poppy, wash the floors and vacuum so it was a good day.
Amongst nappy changes, playtimes, warm hugs and all the cleaning/crisis management Involved with being a mum, I have discovered a love of fabric, texture, and of stories. Creating something from nothing. Creating sewing patterns and making things with my own two hands on a sewing machine given to me by my mother, resting on a handed down retro 1970’s table from my nana. My home has become a haven for me to explore my generational story, my creative self, think and find immense freedom here.
In some strange dream lapse last night that felt uncannily like something from an episode from Star Trek. l dreamt of meeting Henry Rollins on my way to meet up with a dear old friend Andy for dinner. Ok it was a dream, but Rollins has been someone l have admired for a long time for his strong opinion, intelligence and his talent. During this crazy meet up in a tattoo parlour (comical I know) there was this intense dialogue between Rollins and I. Rollins challenged me to leap into the void. It was one of those life changing moments. Decision time. And despite inner conflict, self-doubt and a lifetime of creativity aching to get out, I will leap into the void.
So here l am, 35 years old next week, starting a new crafty business PoppyFox which l will share here with you. Doing the odd counseling with clients and sandplay sessions through Inner circles and being a mum bringing up one of the most interesting, joyful little personalities l know. I hope this blog is interesting if not funny and perhaps inspirational in some way to you all.